I want to eat up your sadness,
and bury it deep in the pit of my stomach.
Chew it up and swallow, send it to where
I can break it down and tear it apart.
I would risk the horrible ache
to make your pain and anguish
be my own mistake.
Another restless night in a bed that you hate.
Pray for peacefulness, calm, a new life, a blank slate.
The pills make you numb, but don’t make you forget.
Alcohol, your poisonous eel, slippery and wet.
The clock ticks too loudly, the faucet drips slow,
you know you’re still breathing by the tv’s soft glow.
Mom loved you, but left you, and dad wasn’t there.
I love you, and miss you, but hate your dead stare.
Too smart for rock bottom, too poor for a home,
too hated by many to simply just roam.
No family, no friendship, and empty within.
To murder your saddness, a blessing or sin?
I can’t keep you living a life you despise,
but I pray every night something lessens your cries.
No substance or girl will keep you happy for long.
Nor money, or memories, or your favorite song.
Life may seem bleak, wake up tired and sore,
but one day you’ll realize you’re worth so much more.
So smile, I beg you, pretend just for me.
And don’t let your headstone be something I see.
The chill in your stare travels down my spine.
Your blood emptied out by syringe.
The flush in my cheeks, your pale skin, divine.
The ice in your veins makes me cringe.
You’re physically here, but mentally gone.
Unnerving, your statue appeal.
Absent and alone, the light isn’t on.
Medusa herself was more real.
The life in your eyes, destroyed, disappears.
It’s crying within, how it wails.
Your smile is dead, it speaks to deaf ears.
It flickers, and falters and fails.
Dear Daddy,
Remember when I was worth your time?
When we spent our days being lazy,
lying on the couch.
The television playing another one of your beloved movies.
Now we spend our days being busy,
sitting in different rooms.
The television off, your beloved movies collecting dust.
Remember when I was worth your time?
When we spent our time doing science projects
and learning about art.
Or being master chefs in the kitchen together.
Now we spend our time doing seperate projects,
and you’ve never seen my art.
And we don’t even eat dinner at the same time.
Remember when I was worth your time?
When you came to every recital and performance,
and I could count on seeing your face in the crowd,
you were proud, applauding.
Now you can’t be bothered to watch me perform,
and I can’t count on you coming to a celebration,
you are disappointed, sleeping.
You never taught me magic tricks to prepare me for your disappearing act.
It’s hard to remember when I was ever worth your time.
Sincerely,
Me
I’m lost in a whirlwind of people and sounds,
trapped in a world where my head always pounds.
Where my mother sings songs I don’t understand,
where my father’s not here to give me a hand.
Where my sister is favored and I’m stuck alone,
in this shitty apartment that I call a home.
Where all that I yearn for is deep, dreamless sleep,
but get colors and pictures that I’ll never keep.
Where all that I want is a boy that will stay,
not someone to use me and leave the next day.
I envision something permanent.
I wish for something real.
But honestly, what I covet most
is the ability to feel.
I’m screaming your name inside my head.
I want the love that she has instead.
I need you now to hold my hand,
call me baby and understand.
I cut the ties that gripped my heart.
Our bond was severed, torn apart.
Without you, darling, I am poor.
My riches walked right out the door.
But money isn’t everything.
Can’t buy happiness, just a ring.
And this is for the best, you see.
Your indecision was killing me.
So I’ll forget that you exist,
and leave knowing that I’ll be missed.
You’ll scream my name inside your head.
I won’t be listening; to me you’re dead.
But eventually I’ll come right back.
Cause you’re a gem, my heart attack.
You made me hurt and made me cry.
I can’t let go, I don’t know why.
I’ll scream your name straight to the sun,
and tell the world that you’re the one.
But this is not a perfect world
and I am not your perfect girl
and all this makes me want to hurl.
And break off all the rhyme.
Cause nothing changes without time.
I never want to wake up from this dream.
Its reality is my fantasy.
A world where I am safe.
Safe to feel, and to smile.
And to be anyone I want to be.
I adorn my crown with jewels.
Green-eyed and envious, I steal my vital treasure.
Breaking my promise to never be a thief
like all the ones that have hurt me before.
I am worthless and speechless and breathless.
But in this world, I am fearless.
Less is more, in every possible sense.
And I am happy.
Truly happy.
For the first time.
As my lips stretch across my face into a smile,
my demons creep out from their hiding places.
Behind sweet memories and my deepest thoughts.
And they take the lies and the pain,
that I worked so hard to keep out,
and turn it into a dagger,
with a blade as sharp as my tongue.
And as they stab me with my flaws, I awaken.
My demons are still there.
The real world is a nightmare.
Need blossoms inside me, like a flower in full bloom.
Normalcy renders me useless, to the snake, impending doom.
I want what I cannot have the most.
Visions of false truths dance inside my empty head.
Desire overtakes me, makes me wish that I were dead.
I couldn’t have dreamed of sugarplums.
Forbidden fruit beckons me and no lesson has been learned.
Easily obtainable, it’s what I feel I’ve earned.
Obviously Eve has taught me nothing.
Plucked from a high branch, it’s sweet juice drips down my face.
Bellows through the garden, I’m no longer in God’s grace.
That’s what lust will get you in this life.
Just a half eaten apple, evil to the core.
I am forgotten.
Hidden away, veiled.
Not a soul will find me.
I am nowhere.
I am lost, never to be found.
Forgotten.
Alone.
I am nothing to the world: a lonely soul, a simple girl.
I long for freedom.
Desire escape.
I am not what I want to be.
Yet I remain.
You will not give me a second glance.
Or a first.
Invisible to the naked eye,
even when I am naked.
Naked in my words,
in my thoughts,
in my meanings.
I am see-through, translucent.
